DEATH NOIFICATIONS - OVERWHELMED AND REFUSAL ISSUES

I have been involved in making numerous death notifications and I know how difficult the task can be. I know that doing it several times for the same incident can be emotionally exhausting and you pray that no one will ask you to do another. Yet, when the personal information form the deceased officer completed has a lengthy list of people to be notified, or immediate family members ask for help notifying others important to them, it can become a grueling task. However, it needs to be done. As a funeral coordinator I had two responsibilities: to make the notifications or to insure that they were made.

This article is about managing a part of the notification process and some of the issues that can arise when a few people are tasked with a potentially overwhelming job. I have experienced situations where a supervisor assigned to help make the death notifications became overwhelmed and refused to do any more. At another situation, a supervisor refused to make a death notification because of the sexual orientation of the deceased and the relationship with the person to be notified.

When there are problems with making death notifications the primary issue is to insure that the notifications are made in time, in person, with compassion, and by the best person possible. If there is a problem with the person assigned to make the notification not being able to do any more,  then it becomes an issue of completing the task and of providing the proper assistance to help that person cope and stay emotionally healthy. If the issue is one of refusal, for any reason, then the problem becomes a management issue.

At one incident we had a lengthy list of notifications to make and the list was divided between several people. One supervisor assigned to help had to make several notifications, all in close proximity to each other. However,they involved families with young children and each notification was extremely difficult. The supervisor looked at the list and saw that the one she had notified had been listed as family members. The remaining names were listed as “friends.”

 He said that family members were important and he had done his duty but friends would have to wait. He was done. This is a situation you cannot order someone to complete. So I had to realign some assignments and change some priorities and I assigned someone else to make the final notifications. I also arranged for this supervisor to visit a department psychologist. This was not a disciplinary issue, but a caring for the care giver issue.

At another incident a critically injured officer was gay. The officer was not expected to survive. He had a domestic partner. One of the officer’s supervisors was assigned to go to the station where the domestic partner,another police officer, worked and notify him of the incident and bring him to the hospital. After waiting for a lengthy time for the partner to arrive I called the supervisor.

He said that he had not made the notification, and refused to make the notification, because of his strong religious convictions about homosexual relationships. I assigned an officer at the hospital with me to go and make the notification and bring the partner officer to the hospital. Then I reported the supervisor’s actions to his commanding officer.

As a funeral coordinator my job is to insure the notifications are made and made properly. I have encountered command officers who admitted they didn’t think they were up to actually making the notification and could I help.That I could deal with. At one situation I was at the front door to the deceased officer’s residence with a command officer when the wife opened the door. The look on her face told us she knew why we were there. As the door was opened the command officer stepped behind me, placing me directly in front of the wife and the one she was looking at. I had to make the notification. One I wasn’t expecting. I didn’t need to be surprised like that.

When assigning or asking personnel, of any rank, to make death notifications we, as funeral coordinators, need to insure that they understand that they can decline or ask for help. I would rather have someone else make the notification then have it done poorly. I would rather make sure that support is provided than have the notification done poorly.

The highest ranking person available is not necessarily the best person to make the actual notification. They can be there for support and represent the agency but there is nothing wrong with having an officer or supervisor make the actual notification if they are the best person to do it. An officer or supervisor may have known the deceased officer better than the command officer or may be known by the spouse. There are no absolute rules.The issue is, who can do it best.

So as a funeral coordinator, our job is to insure that all the death notifications are conducted, those we know about and those we are asked to do, and that they are done properly by the best person available. If problems arise that involve the notifications not being done, that we insure the notifications are completed properly and we also insure that the problems involved are clarified and appropriately resolved. If the problem is a protocol or planning issue, then we need to modify the protocol and improve our planning abilities.

If it is one of people being overwhelmed and asked to do more than they can emotionally handle, then we need to insure they are supported and cared for. If it is an issue of refusal, for any reason, then we need to make management aware of what happened and allow them to appropriately resolve it. As funeral coordinators, regardless of our rank, we cannot ignore or make excuses or condone people’s behavior that impacts our ability to do our job. We need to identify the problem, clarify the issues, and be part of the process to improve our response plan and resources.

John Cooley

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