Waiting at the Memorial Park

It seems like such a mundane topic to write about but this is one of the funeral coordinators responsibilities that can unintentionally cause a significant amount of distress for the surviving family. The family has attended the funeral services and been taken in the motorcade to the memorial park and are waiting for the interment services and ceremonies to begin.

When the funeral is being attended by thousands of officers and hundreds of vehicles are in the motorcade it typically takes over an hour, often a couple of hours, for the vehicles to be parked and the officers to be placed in their formation. So what does the family do? What does the family need? How do we prepare the family for the delay to be seated? By pre-planning!  

Two days before the interment we need to inform the family about what they will be experiencing so that they will know what to expect. They, the immediate and extended family members, need to understand that it will take an hour or more to get everything ready. Then we need to insure that we arrange for everything the family wants or will likely need. We need to plan for refreshments, snacks, and restrooms.

This waiting period would be an opportune time for VIP’s and dignitaries attending the interment services to visit with the family. They are typically parked soon after the family’s arrival and it is a convenient time for them to be introduced to the family. There is much that can be done, should be done and will need to be done and it all has to be carefully choreographed and scheduled.

John CooleyWhen the family wants refreshments or needs to use the restrooms is not the time to introduce visitors. Visitations are scheduled at the family’s convenience and only for short periods of time. Another option is to coordinate an opportunity for the family to mingle with the agency members, who are also waiting.

These waiting periods can easily go from one to two hours. The funeral coordinator needs to insure that the family members are well taken care of and not left to care for themselves. However, who ever cares for them must be able to solve problems and make certain decisions. Children may need to be entertained or allowed to play outdoors. Appropriate toys or games should be brought with them. Caretakers may need to be assigned.

Many memorial parks have the family brought to their business offices that have waiting rooms and restrooms. At other times the family is with the limousines at the grave site. If the family is at the grave site planning may include shade awnings, chairs, refreshments and arrangements to take people to and from the restrooms, vehicles may be needed.

I had a family tell me, after waiting two hours, that they were tired of waiting for all the officers to arrive and wanted the services to begin. We seated the family and started the services. The family’s wishes are paramount. We had a good plan but were overwhelmed by the number of officers attending.

We had significantly more then we expected. The memorial park parking was inadequate and by the time we got the last of the vehicles parked in alternate parking areas and the officers walked to the gravesite, the services and ceremonies were basically over. These things happen.

But as funeral coordinators we need to insure that the family members will be well taken care while they are waiting for the parking of cars and the officers to walk to the gravesite. It is unacceptable, as I have seen many times, for families to be seated inside the limousines or standing around the vehicles just waiting. They have personal needs that must be taken care of or anticipated.

The waiting period at the memorial park is a carefully planned time period. Every funeral coordinator must insure the family’s needs are anticipated or fulfilled. Two days before the services the family should be asked how they want to fill the waiting period and what they would like or need. Then make it happen.          

It is not a mundane planning task, the “no-brainer.” It is very important and can cause the family sever distress and anxiety if not properly planned for. Coordinators need to take it seriously. It’s what we do. We plan for every part of the services, including the waiting periods.

John Cooley
Policefunerals.com